Am I a bad feminist

Hello there everyone. In todays post I am going to talk about feminism. Anyone who spends time on Facebook or Twitter must be aware of the huge numbers of tweets, blog posts, articles and discussions on the subject.
The general definition of a femanist is someone who believes in equal rights and opportunities for men and women. I believe in that whole heartedly and so I should be able to consider myself a feminist right?

Actually its not that clear cut. If you look beyond the general definition and start reading some of the things written by and about feminists, you get the impression there’s a list of things you have to do to become a ‘good feminist’ and an even longer list of things that make you a ‘bad feminist’. It feels like it’s less about the right to make choices and more about if you make the right choices. Looking at the life choices I’ve made in the last few years, it may look from a certain feminist perspective as if I’ve made the wrong choices.

What behaviours might make me a bad feminist?

Firstly I got married. There does seem to be varying opinions on weather getting hitched makes you a bad feminist. Only a small proportion of feminists appear to be totally against marriage, but there are definite Do’s and Dont’s associated with the wedding and its immediate aftermath.

1) – Being given away. This is something only a bad feminist would do. It implies you are the property of your father, to be given to your future husband.
However I chose to do this. I didnt feel it was a symbol of ownership over me, instead it was a visual sign that my dad, on behalf of my family blessed our marriage and welcomed my husband into the family (after a disastrous first marriage, this was very important to me).

2) – Taking my husbands surname. I remember a few years ago reading about the flack Cheryl Fernandez-Vercini got for changing her name when she got married. Because she was a role model for so many young girls and a modern feminist woman, she shouldn’t adopting such archaic practices. Personally I thought about keeping my maiden name or adopting a weird double barrel name, but in the end I chose to be come an Abrahams and in doing so we became Team Abrahams.

Secondly I am a housewife. I stay at home and look after the house. I cook, clean and do the laundry. My husband goes out to work and earns the money. This is a typically 1960’s domestic set up. We fit perfectly well with the stereotype male and female roles and this potentially gives me another reason for being called a bad feminist.
However the reasons we have adopted these roles goes far beyond the basic male/female stereotypes. I suffer very badly from social phobias, depression and anxiety. I cannot go out to work, so I chose to adopt the role of housewife. This makes me feel I’m contributing and am an equal partner in our marriage.

Thirdly I do things because my husband likes them. I cook meals I know he likes to eat. I wear clothes he likes. I keep my hair a certain length because he prefers it that way. This is bad feminist behaviour. Dressing for a man makes you his inferior. Favouring his choices makes you subservient.
To my mind this a load of nonsense (notice how polite I was there).
I chose to do these things because I want to make the person I love happy. It is a two way street. He watches history documentary’s because I enjoy them. He shaves more often because I don’t like stubble rash. He sleeps on the sofa when he’s been drinking so his snoring doesn’t keep me awake.

So am I a Bad Feminist?

No, I am not a bad feminist. I refuse to be put down and judged by other people because Ive chosen a traditional female role.
Feminism is about the rights of women to chose what they want to do from a full unrestricted range of options, and that is what I have done. I believe If a women avoids choosing a traditional female roles because they fear ridicule and abuse from other women, she is still oppressed just by a different group of people.

What do you think about the feminist debate? Do you think there are good and bad feminists? Are you a good or bad feminist?

Scientific Fact* Anxious Dragons feed on blog comments. Please help keep this dragon well fed. Thank you Xxxx

*Possibly not true

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  1. Michelle K

    June 26, 2019 at 3:26 pm

    I know I’ve responded before to this but I’m going to leave a brand new comment because I learned something recently about feminism that I think too many people have forgotten about. I don’t know if you’ve read my Women in History post but one of the women I talk about is Mary Wollstencraft, mother of Mary Shelley. She was the OG of feminism even though it wasn’t defined in her time. She wrote a book back during a time when it was illegal for women to write books. It was called The Vindication for the Rights of Women. My favorite quote by her is this: “I do not wish them (women) to have power over men but over themselves.” That right there is feminism in its purest form. That notion is also centuries old. Feminism, like anything else evolves but it has lost its way from what it’s original purpose was. For women to have equal rights. With equality comes the right to choose our own path. That’s feminism. Unfortunately, the ones who call us bad feminists are completely oblivious to the fact they it is they who are the bad feminists. I say, you do you Tracey. That is a basic right of every human being in my opinion. #abitofeverything

    1. hooks_and_dragons

      June 26, 2019 at 4:00 pm

      That is a fantastic quote amd should be exactly what all feminists desire

  2. RaisieBay

    June 15, 2019 at 10:53 am

    I’m not really a feminist, I don’t think. To be honest, It’s not something that bother’s me. We get to vote, we get women in power, women get better jobs than they used to, but I do think it’s unfair that women don’t get paid as much as men. However, I don’t get bothered by things like women choosing to be housewives or taking their husband’s name. I kept my old married name but it’s not hyphened so I can choose it when I please. I got married, twice, but we have kids and I’m not well so I figured it would make things easier for my family when I pass concerning insurance and stuff. Great post Tracey, one that makes you think.

  3. Tracey Carr

    June 14, 2019 at 4:30 pm

    Well I believe that we are all entitled to make our own choices. I chose to stay at home and take care of my daughters because that is the life I wanted for them but that immediately slotted me into the housewife role. I don’t consider myself a typical housewife though (1950s style) and my husband and I do our best to make sure things are as even as possible between us even though I am the one at home most of the time. So all in all I like to think that I am a good feminist and I always hope that I am setting a good example for my daughters #abitofeverything

  4. Modern Gypsy

    June 12, 2019 at 4:01 pm

    Ah! That eternal debate of what makes a good or bad feminist! I think it’s all a load of nonsense. We have complete freedom to choose how we wish to lead our lives; being a feminist doesn’t come with a rule book anyway – and thank heavens for that!

  5. endardoo

    June 12, 2019 at 2:24 pm

    You’re not a bad feminist, you’re a Good Feminist!  #ALittleBitOfEverythng

  6. Michele Morin

    June 12, 2019 at 1:32 pm

    Yes, the first wave of feminism was all about women having the freedom to choose their careers and their lives and to vote and own property, etc. Second wave feminists began to take this for granted and now I’m afraid we’re moving backwards, because it’s not “acceptable” to choose raising a family or loving one husband for a lifetime.

  7. Laurie

    June 12, 2019 at 12:05 pm

    Love the topic of your post. I think we each should make the choices we feel comfortable with and not worry about labels like “feminist”.

  8. endardoo

    April 23, 2019 at 11:24 am

    Nice one, Tracey … an oldie (the post, not you!!!), but a goodie. It’s all about choice, really, isn’t it?

  9. Lisa Pomerantz

    October 9, 2017 at 1:31 am

    The is not one thing bad about you, lovely! And that is the truth! #MondayStumble xoxo

  10. Susan Mann

    October 3, 2017 at 11:40 am

    I feel the point of feminism is about having choices. It’s our choice whether we take our husband’s name or work in a male-dominated career. It’s not always ideal, but it’s about equality and freedom of choice. Well, that’s my view xx #mondaystumble

  11. Alana - Burnished Chaos

    October 3, 2017 at 6:25 am

    Love this so much. The whole feminist label makes my skin crawl because these days it has drifted away from equality and freedom of choice and seems to be more about men bashing and putting down women who choose more stereotypical roles. Celebrities seem to have jumped all over it and turned it into something nasty that I don’t want to be associated with. I believe in equality and freedom of choice for all regardless of gender, ethnicity or background. I too am a stay at home mum but that is purely by choice. I also make decisions based on whether they will make my husband happy, because that is what makes me happy. He also does the same for me. It’s called being in a loving and committed relationship x

  12. Pickinguptoys

    October 2, 2017 at 9:30 pm

    Ooh does not being married, having my own name and being the breadwinner make me a good feminist? Ha. I don’t honestly think of things being feminist or not I just think everyone is equal regardless. x

    1. hooks_and_dragons

      October 2, 2017 at 9:33 pm

      Oh yeah baby, your doing it all right 😁

  13. Pen

    October 2, 2017 at 9:11 pm

    I remember reading this post first time around. No, you are not a bad Feminist. Feminism is about having the right to choose whatever set up works for you. You have done that. Pen x #mondaystumble

  14. Mainy

    October 2, 2017 at 7:19 pm

    I think that advocating equality in any area that there may be equality is, for me, admirable. What I’m not keen on and don’t have any part of is when that drive for equality then keeps going past the level point into extremes. If only we could stop ourselves when we reach a good equal share of rights and power we would have a far more peaceful world. I guess we are just not made that way. To have people even think to say people are good or bad feminists is so sad.

  15. Chloe

    October 2, 2017 at 7:58 pm

    Hi, I think that the term feminism can be used to describe many things, if being at home suits you and your husband then that is all that counts. The main thing is that you are happy #mondaystumble

  16. Becky | Bringing up the Berneys

    October 2, 2017 at 7:32 pm

    I love this. The feminist movement happened for women to have rights and a choice! – How in the world can you possibly argue at being a “bad feminist” for CHOOSING to do things that make your husband happy, or that benefit your wellbeing by staying at home? Surely you’ve encompassed the entirety of what the movement was about in the first place! It’s all getting a bit ridiculous to be honest, I say do what’s right for you and tell the rest to sod off. Keep doing what makes you happy! #mondaystumble

  17. oldhouseintheshires

    October 2, 2017 at 6:52 pm

    The term ‘Feminist’ has evolved rightly, into a right to chose your goals, actions and opinions. I hate when others dictate whether we are ‘good’ or ‘bad’ feminists in the same way that many other women view staying at home or working full time mums/women as a negative. We are all different and therefore, need and deserve different things and that is what I believe feminism means. Rock on sister! Great post. #Mondaystumble

  18. HonestK

    June 14, 2017 at 10:21 pm

    Great post! Loved it! I’m not sure what would qualify as a bad feminist? Maybe women judging other women? I think If you are aware and consciously chose your decisions then that is great and should be shared with others. I fear that too many woman think they have chose a ‘housewife status when the have been socialised into that role from birth.
    I know I wouldn’t think someone was less of a feminist for being a wife, I would think those that judge that women are the baddies!

    1. hooks_and_dragons

      June 14, 2017 at 10:27 pm

      In the past few months I have come across some feminists who really are quite vile examples of humanity. The hate they expel towards men and any female that doesn’t fit their precise criteria of a feminist is quite shocking.
      I know however they are not representative of most feminists x

  19. Pen

    May 22, 2017 at 10:13 pm

    Feminism is about being free to choose what is right for you. You are making this choice, and you are not being coerced or controlled by anyone to make that decision.
    What I would say you are not being is a militant feminist. A militant feminist would do things to make a statement that they should be allowed to do so. Eg. A militant feminist might, for example, want to live in an all female commune to make a point that women should feel free to do that if they so choose.
    A bit of a rambling comment, but no, you are not, in my book a bad feminist. Pen x #marvmondays

    1. hooks_and_dragons

      May 22, 2017 at 10:17 pm

      No militant is definitely not the way I am. Xx

  20. Fran Back With a Bump

    May 22, 2017 at 9:05 am

    Great post. I’d like to think I’m a feminist in that i believe we’re equal to men and entitled to the same rights, just not in a not shaving my armpits way! Thanks for joining us for #marvmondays x

    1. hooks_and_dragons

      May 22, 2017 at 9:13 am

      Im glad the armpit thing is no longer a requirement to be a feminist too 😁

  21. Donna

    May 22, 2017 at 7:19 am

    I completely agree it’s all about choice. I was given away, partly just because I knew my step-dad wasn’t expecting to be asked and it made him incredibly happy. I in part did it for him, but I chose to. I also took Jim’s name. Even though I hate it. I love that we’ve all got the same name.
    I do things for him, to make him happy, I dress in a way he likes (sometimes) and I’m growing my hair out in the most part because Jim didn’t like it short. But he does things for me too. He buys clothes he knows I think he looks good in. If we go out, he wears my favourite shirt even though it might not be his. We both make choices and we’re equal! I’m as good a feminist as you are! #marvmondays

    1. hooks_and_dragons

      May 22, 2017 at 9:11 am

      What a lovely thing to do for your stepdad. Xx

  22. Best and Worst Week #16 | My Blog

    September 25, 2015 at 10:46 am

    […] favourite post last week was from The Anxious Dragon asking am I a bad feminist? I liked this as it enforced the importance of being in support of […]

  23. Dr. Lovlie

    September 19, 2015 at 4:18 am

    I am one of the original feminists. I was in NOW in the 1970’s, fought for the Equal Rights Amendment – still not passed – and fought tooth and nail to become a physician. I knew I had succeeded when my daughter felt free to marry, take her husband’s name (she liked it better) and stay home with her children. I fought for her freedom to choose – and it looks like I won. Live your life, not someone else’s.

    1. The Anxious Dragon

      September 19, 2015 at 4:34 am

      Thank you. XX

  24. moderatemum

    September 3, 2015 at 12:32 pm

    Yes! Give me back your badge 🙂 I had a few friends comment negatively on my decision to take my husbands surname. I bit my tongue when all, without question, gave their children their husbands surname. I’m with you, I believe feminism is the belief that women should have equal rights to men. That’s it, I think people get annoyed it’s so simple. #brilliantblogposts

    1. The Anxious Dragon

      September 3, 2015 at 12:37 pm

      Yes, people dont view the giving of names to their children as a feminist issue do they x

  25. Jessica Powell

    September 2, 2015 at 2:54 pm

    There’s no such thing as a ‘bad’ feminist in my opinion. Feminism is about giving women *and* men choices about how they live their life – I think the fact that stereotypical feminine roles, like being a stay at home parent, are seen as a somehow less worthy choice shows how much feminism is still needed. x

    1. The Anxious Dragon

      September 2, 2015 at 3:09 pm

      It was suggested to me the other day that the devaluing of stay at home roles may have more to do with capitalism (that your worth is connected directly with your earnings) than femininsm. Its an interesting idea

    2. freakinmerv

      September 3, 2015 at 12:46 pm

      I’m going to have to disagree with you Jessica I’m afraid. Feminism has nothing to do with giving men choices about how they live their life, if it was for women & men then it would be called ‘humanism’ or something similar.
      Read back through the posts and many people agree that it’s feminism, when practiced as a polar extreme, that perpetuates the myth that being a stay at home parent is a less worthy choice.

  26. DomesticatedMomster

    September 2, 2015 at 3:27 am

    This is truly a great post and quite a topic to discuss. I have always considered myself to “do things my own way”. Not sure what kind of feminist if any that makes me but I know that on my urn will read “NO REGRETS”. I truly think it’s important to just do what makes you happy (of course without hurting anyone physically) I would say emotionally too but sometimes there is no way in keeping from upsetting someone mentally. Thank you for linking with #momsterslink. Hope to see you again this week!

    1. The Anxious Dragon

      September 2, 2015 at 3:33 am

      Thank you. I think im coming to the conclusion im less worried about being a feminist and more concerned with just having an equal playing field for women and men.

  27. John Adams

    August 31, 2015 at 3:16 pm

    Okay, I’m going to say that bad feminist philosophy can exist. If feminism is about equality, then to be feminist you must, by default, also be a masculist and vice versa (masculism being a word that is not used often enough).

    Feminism and masculism should be about choice. I chose to be a stay at home dad and am quite happy with that situation. I see nothing in what you’ve written to say you are a “bad” femimist.

    That said, I’m tempted ot get the phrase written in bold letters on a tee shirt just to see what reaction I get. #BigFatLinky

    1. The Anxious Dragon

      August 31, 2015 at 5:04 pm

      Masculism is definately something that isnt spoken about. In working in the care sector as I use to do, I saw plenty of examples of people being predudiced towards men because of their sex. Men being told they cant be carers, nurses, midwives, househusbands or stay at home parents is just as wrong as a female being told she must adopt one of these roles.

  28. Little Treasures

    August 30, 2015 at 10:59 pm

    I agree with you and have also taken my husbands surname, chosen to be given away but also feel I represent women in a good way by so many things I do day to day. I don’t think anyone has the right to decide what makes a good or bad feminist xx

    1. Little Treasures

      August 30, 2015 at 10:59 pm

      Sorry should have said I found you through #TwinklyTuesday

  29. Catie: Imperfect Mum

    August 29, 2015 at 3:55 pm

    Perhaps it is time that we modernised feminism. I don’t like the idea of being labelled anything though. I am simply me! Why do we feel the need to define people? Everyone is different and will never fit neatly into one box or label anyway! Great post really thought provoking! #bigfatlinky

    1. The Anxious Dragon

      August 29, 2015 at 4:03 pm

      I agree, labels just seam to restrict people. As long as we have choice and equality it shouldnt be needed x

  30. Cheryl @ Reimer and Ruby

    August 29, 2015 at 9:27 am

    I don’t think there’s a bad or good feminist, women choose things differently but it doesn’t connotes always being relevance to feminism. As long as you’re still exercising your rights of equality, that’s all that matters. #bigfatlinky

    1. The Anxious Dragon

      August 29, 2015 at 9:29 am

      I agree. Thanks for taking the time to comment xx

  31. Jellyfish Mama

    August 29, 2015 at 4:48 am

    I love this! It is so true: feminism isn’t about a checklist of things that you need to do to ‘earn’ your feminism ‘badge’., we aren’t the Girl Guides after all 😛 No, feminism to me is having the ability to choose, to make the choice yourself without fear or pressure. What that choice is doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things as long as you MADE that choice on your own terms. I’m originally from Pakistan and a new trend that seems to be cropping up there is young, university-educated girls CHOOSING to wear the hijab/veil in direct defiance of their family’s wishes. No one is forcing them to do it, they aren’t from particularly religious backgrounds, they just see it a a way of reclaiming ownership of their bodies by choosing not to flaunt it. Many people ridicule these girls for being ‘backwards’, ‘extremists’ or ‘unenlightened’, but if they find it empowering, then who are we to judge their choice? The point is having a choice. If you are choosing to wear hijab, its a very different thing from it being forced on you by family/society/the government. I don’t wear the hijab, but I CHOOSE not to, because I have the choice. if tomorrow I CHOOSE to do it, will it make me a bad feminist?

    1. The Anxious Dragon

      August 29, 2015 at 5:43 am

      Choice is very much the keyword in all this, choice and equality. Thanks for taking the time to comment xx

  32. Merlinda Little (@pixiedusk)

    August 28, 2015 at 7:19 pm

    I think all these labels are just labels. Its about time that us girls let others be happy and support each other rather than giving them labels if they dont believe what we bleieve. Saying that I think that you are an awesome feminist for doing what you are doing =) #TwinklyTuesday

    1. The Anxious Dragon

      August 28, 2015 at 7:21 pm

      I agree, we should not be fighting amoung ourselves x

  33. thesingleswan

    August 27, 2015 at 9:32 pm

    Sorry, done it again. #bestandworst

  34. thesingleswan

    August 27, 2015 at 9:32 pm

    Omg, Feminism is such a dirty word isn’t it. It means such different things to everyone. There are as many types of feminism as there are women in my view, and that’s what feminism should be about, being who you are and who you want to be, male or female. There is no good or bad feminism.

    1. The Anxious Dragon

      August 27, 2015 at 11:38 pm

      I agree, there are so many meanings x

  35. Sarah Howe (@RunJumpScrap)

    August 27, 2015 at 8:07 pm

    I think that extreme feminism is just that -extreme! You can want to support women and their rights but still make your own choices in life and be happy, even if the feminists out there may disagree! Really interesting post and thanks for sharing with #bestandworst xx

  36. The Blog Centre

    August 27, 2015 at 12:53 pm

    You have many excellent points, especially agree about fear of being ridiculed just being oppressed by a different group. Be yourself and what makes you happy. Thank you for linking up with #ShowcaseTuesday

    1. The Anxious Dragon

      August 27, 2015 at 2:12 pm

      Thank you for hosting it x

  37. Ann Winters

    August 26, 2015 at 9:41 pm

    I think, and as many others commenters pointed out, the key thing here is having the choice. If you choose to be a housewife, great, you chose that. In the 60’s and earlier, that was the norm, and I don’t think women at the time were given that many opportunities to not be a housewife! That does not make you a bad feminist, not at all… What is bothering me lately is having people misusing the term, and creating friction among women. With so many things still needing change, and having equality for women generaly so far away, nobody should be judging whatever a women decides to be, wear,… We should be supporting each other decisions, and only be fighting and arguing for those to be available to everyone…. I believe that theres no bad feminist or good feminist. Theres a woman, and a her freedom to choose. And a still on going fight for equality….x

    1. The Anxious Dragon

      August 26, 2015 at 11:32 pm

      I think everyone who has taken the time to comment on this post is very much in agreement. Choice and equality are the important factors. Thanks for taking the time to comment x

  38. Random Musings

    August 26, 2015 at 12:21 pm

    Back again from #bestandworst 🙂

  39. Sadia

    August 25, 2015 at 10:42 pm

    My mother told me when I was 15 that I wasn’t a feminist because I didn’t consider women to be inherently superior to men. I told her labels were silly. And I get judged for having no interest in being married. We can’t win. Thanks for linking with #TwinklyTuesday.

    1. The Anxious Dragon

      August 25, 2015 at 11:01 pm

      I didnt realise it was about superiority!!

  40. Kristy as Giftie Etcetera

    August 25, 2015 at 6:25 pm

    I love this post. Our division of labor is a little more equal than yours (as I work part-time as an attorney), but the point of feminism being about doing for each other is lovely!

  41. freakinmerv

    August 25, 2015 at 5:31 pm

    Oh boy, where to begin!
    Well, for starters I thought I’d find out what the opposite of a feminist was, just in case I upset anyone and needed a badge to wear … I Googled “opposite to feminist” and the top result was this quote “Chauvinism is the same as, rather than the opposite of feminism. If feminism was really about equal treatment of the genders, it would be called humanism or equalism. There is no opposite to feminism in existence. That’s part of the problem.”
    I’m not sure I’m 100% on board with that but I think I see the point it’s trying to make.

    Personally I’m all for equality … I want to see women in the highest positions in companies, flying jet fighters for the RAF, driving race cars and competing against men … not simply because they’re women but because it’s what they want to do and the opportunity is there. But the point has been made in your post and many of the comments … it’s all about having the choice. If you don’t want to do any of the above, then what the hell is wrong with being a housewife if that’s what you want to do?

    I’ve been a single parent for 15 years and brought up 2 boys by myself. Why do I mention that? Well, because it’s caused a few double takes by both women and men when I’ve told them …. but isn’t it just another gender inequality? A role that is assumed will be taken up by the Mother and not the Father?
    As with many subjects, it’s not a clear cut issue. All I would say is that I’m totally against feminism when it involves attacks on men for no other purpose than to advance the role of women in society … I don’t think that’s generally necessary and I personally think it’s counterproductive.

    Wow! Sorry, I may have drifted slightly from the original question. No, you are not a bad feminist, you are simply a human being who wants to be happy and is making the choices that lead to that goal.

    1. The Anxious Dragon

      August 25, 2015 at 5:52 pm

      I agree with you that women who use feminism as a huge stick to beat men with are not the kind of people I want to be associated with. There is a whole lot of gender inequality when it comes to the issue of childcare, lots of the dad bloggers I know have received similar reactions as you have. I like your idea of being an equalitist (obviously not a real word, as spell check doesnt like it. It should be a real word though) Xx

  42. mummuddlingthrough

    August 24, 2015 at 9:23 pm

    I recently bought an iron and started ironing my husbands work shirts. Well, I did it once anyway. I think that probably makes me a bad feminist lol! X MMT

    1. mummuddlingthrough

      August 24, 2015 at 9:23 pm

      Or, the fact that I’ve already got bored of it, a bad bad feminist ?!

    2. The Anxious Dragon

      August 24, 2015 at 9:41 pm

      Lol, check out my best and worst cleaning post I hate ironing and will gladly give it up in the name of feminism 😉

  43. Random Musings

    August 24, 2015 at 9:03 pm

    To my mind, feminism is about equality and freedom of choice. For example, a woman shouldn’t be made to become a housewife. However, if that’s what you choose to do then in my opinion, that doesn’t make you a bad feminist – it makes you a kick ass feminist that does what makes them happy and ignores the haters 🙂
    Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes

    1. The Anxious Dragon

      August 24, 2015 at 9:15 pm

      Yup thats me 😀

  44. midwifemade

    August 24, 2015 at 8:52 pm

    I feel like a bad feminist at times but I still maintain I am one – and I like pink, so there

    1. The Anxious Dragon

      August 24, 2015 at 9:14 pm

      Ohh, im more of a black and purple girl myself 😉

  45. Kerry-Ann/OurChildren

    August 24, 2015 at 6:53 pm

    Tsk! Most certainly not a bad feminist…In terms of the marriage debate, I believe it is a partnership…so you do things for your husband because you know he likes it…I’m sure he does the same for you. If trying to make your spouse happy makes you a bad feminist then I would like to sign up to the Bad Feminist club too! Loved the piece. x

    1. The Anxious Dragon

      August 24, 2015 at 6:54 pm

      Thank you. Its great to see so many people think the same way as me xx

  46. Silly Mummy

    August 24, 2015 at 12:59 pm

    The issue should be choice. It is wrong for women to have no choice about what they have to be and do because they are women. It is not wrong to choose to do something that fits what was a traditional female stereotype, as long as you did have a choice and you are happy with it. In fact, I would say that to suggest a woman choosing these options is a bad feminist is to perpetuate the idea that traditionally female traits and pursuits (whether now being done by a woman or a man) are essentially less worthwhile and deserving of disdain. That is just feminists putting down women themselves – how is that feminism? #anythinggoes

    1. The Anxious Dragon

      August 24, 2015 at 3:39 pm

      I completely agree, if your aim is to limit the choices women have, you are not being fair to women x

      1. Silly Mummy

        August 26, 2015 at 11:48 am

        Exactly. And if the point is for women to have choices, that should include all choices, including being a SAHM or a housewife. I’m back from #bestandworst

  47. Lady Nym

    August 24, 2015 at 10:21 am

    I agree. In fact, I wrote a similarly themed blog post very recently about being a stay at home mum and still being a feminist. You are making an informed decision because you have choice. Nothing wrong with that.

    1. The Anxious Dragon

      August 24, 2015 at 10:56 am

      Thats the key to it all, the ability to make that choice xx

  48. nightwisprav3n

    August 24, 2015 at 4:32 am

    I live in a very feminist town and I had actually never heard the term “bad feminist”. Though, I do see a lot of what you are talking about. Instead of women saying “bad feminist” they just simply say, “then you’re not a feminist.” Your choices are your own so choosing to be a housewife is in no way, oppressive. Just like I don’t think that a woman choosing to be a stay at home mom is oppressive. If she is the one making that choice for herself and her family, then more power to her. I think that the basic definition of feminism is awesome but it has become another way for people to use it for their own agenda. I’ve met a lot of really nice feminists who stand by the original definition in every way and I’ve met a lot of feminists who are really hateful and in my opinion, hide behind feminism, using it as some sort of weapon to lash out at others (particularly men). I choose not to be a housewife because that’s just not in my nature. It has nothing to do with whether or not I’m a “good feminist” or “bad feminist”. This is why I hate labels. They tend to get so caught up in stereotypes. I’ve been called a feminist by many people both in a positive and a negative way. The way I see it, whatever anyone else calls me, I’m just me. I’m for equality for all, plain and simple. This is a great post! Thanks for sharing!

    1. The Anxious Dragon

      August 24, 2015 at 8:10 am

      Its not good when people take an idea and use it as a stick to beat people is it.

      1. Michelle Kellogg

        October 3, 2017 at 1:25 pm

        I re-read your whole post for #mondaystumble. This is such a good post! I still love it!

        1. hooks_and_dragons

          October 3, 2017 at 1:31 pm

          Thank you. It is a post im quite proud to have written x

  49. Modern Belle

    August 24, 2015 at 1:59 am

    Love this post! I’m definitely a bad feminist…I totally embrace the traditional gender roles of provider vs supporter even as a single woman. Well said and thank for the great post!

    1. The Anxious Dragon

      August 24, 2015 at 8:15 am

      It should always be a valid option for women. The important factor is the word choice. If your a housewife because you think thats the only thing women should do, your a bad feminist, but if you looked at being a teacher, lawyer or soldier etc and decided you still want to be a housewife, but you support other womens fight to be accepted into these roles then you are still a femimist.

  50. Mama

    August 24, 2015 at 1:30 am

    To me this comes down to ‘Do I care what other people think?’ and the answer, for the most part is no.I’m not holding myself to other’s ideals and expectations but rather I am doing what works for me x


    1. The Anxious Dragon

      August 24, 2015 at 8:17 am

      I try really hard not to let others criticisms bother me, but I would be a lier if I said it never happened x

      1. Mama

        August 24, 2015 at 8:49 am

        Oh, me too but I try to bear that in mind and not worry x

  51. Rob Carew (@rob_carew)

    August 24, 2015 at 1:14 am

    I consider myself a feminist and am quite passionate about the need for equality between men and women. I also think everything you just wrote is great for your situation. If you are happy with who you are and the relationship you are in, then that’s fantastic! #AnythingGoes

    1. The Anxious Dragon

      August 24, 2015 at 8:19 am

      Its great that so many men support the need for equality these days Xx

  52. Melanie Greenhalgh

    August 24, 2015 at 12:50 am

    You are not a bad feminist at all. The fact that you take time to think and feel about the positioning of women in the world makes you a great feminist. You have as you say simply made your choices and they are the ones that work best for you. So well done for having choices and not taking them for granted. Mel xx #anythinggoes

    1. The Anxious Dragon

      August 24, 2015 at 12:54 am

      Thank you. I agree the important thing about being a feminist is being aware of the choices you have, and fighting those who would restrict those choices.

  53. min1980

    August 24, 2015 at 12:40 am

    I think the whole point of being a feminist is about having choices. For example there is nothing wrong with taking your husband’s name if that’s what you would like to do. I just wish more men would choose to take their wives’ names though!

    1. The Anxious Dragon

      August 24, 2015 at 12:50 am

      I agree that choice is the key.

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