It’s Okay To Be Sad

Hello everyone.  The past week hasn’t been the best for me. Last Friday I undertook my last shift for my current employer, and am now one of the UK’s many unregistered unemployed.

The role I had was a daycare support worker for adults with learning disabilities. It’s a job I’ve had for the last 6 years. Although it was a relatively small part time job, just one day a week, it played a huge part in my life. I’ve written before about my work and the people I work with. You can check out that post here.

As my last shift approached, I turned to my Twitter friends to give me a bit of support and  cheer me up. During the course of one of our daily conversation however a very wise lady did something quite different.  Sarah aka @muddlymum said to me :-

“Its okay to be sad”

Drawing of a weeping angel statue

It was such a simple thing to say. But it resonated deeply and stayed with me for long after the Twitter conversation ended. For most of the week I’d been putting pushing aside my sadness and instead focused on presenting a brave face and trying to be positive about things.

But why? This was a role that had bought me a great deal of happiness. It allowed me to develop friendships and gave me something I could be proud of. So it was perfectly natural to be sad about it ending.  Yet it took someone else to say it was okay to be sad before I allowed myself to be .

Why are people so bad at being sad?

I’m not alone in not wanting to acknowledge my sadness. As a nation us Brits are notoriously bad at expressing any emotions, especially sadness. We like to keep a stiff upper lip or  put on a brave face.

But the tendency to avoid admiting we’re sad is something that seems to have got worse in recent years. And I think the internet has played a big part in this. Emotions such as sadness have always been classified as negative. I used the term negative in regards to sadness myself in this post. However these days there is an underlying notion that being sad is wrong. People who admit  they are sad are also admitting to being weak. They are admitting to having failed in the culturally approved search for happiness.

If people are sad the expectation is they should be trying to fix  themselves. Hence social media bombards us with happy uplifting, positive, inspiring stories and posts. The undelying theme to these stories is in the face of adversary these individuals have managed to stay positive.

We’re encouraged to undertake practices that promote happiness.  Such as surrounding ourselves with happy people,  searching for the positives in every situation, going for a run or  doing something nice for someone else. Each practice feeds into the view that people are able to make themselves happy,  and therefore stop themselves being sad. Just being sad is no longer viewed as a vaible option. However this isn’t  right.

Being sad is healthy

I will make clear now that I’m  not talking about chronic sadness that is associated with depression. Sadness that has a clear cut cause for example break up of relationships, when a pet dies, or in my case the loss of a well loved job should be acknowledged.

At best the failure to express sadness can lead to the period of sadness being prolonged because it isn’t dealt with. At worse suppressing sadness can cause illness and even be life threatening.  Research has shown that people who suppress negative emotions such as anger or sadness often have high levels of stress as measured by increased heart rate and blood pressure. This in turn can lead to the increased risk of death from certain forms of cancer and heart disease.

Recognising and expressing sadness allows people to develop strategies to deal with their sadness. This in turn reduces the chance of sadness developing into hidden stress.

So this is what I’m going to try to do more in the coming year. While I dont want to be someone who dwells on things, I am going to try make more of an effort to be honest to myself and others about how I’m feeling.

Do you find it difficult to express sadness? Do you think there is too much pressure ok people to be happy these days?

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Thank you, Mrs A Xx

The Pramshed

21 Comments

  1. Sonia Constant

    February 16, 2018 at 1:11 pm

    I like this post! I agree it is definitely OK to be sad. Sometimes I feel much better after a good ole CRY! 🙂

    Nice to meet you, found your blog on Google this morning xx

    1. hooks_and_dragons

      February 16, 2018 at 1:15 pm

      Im glad you enjoyed the post, and nice to meet you too x

  2. Helena

    February 13, 2018 at 5:15 pm

    It’s fantastic that you have experienced a loved job. Many people may say they’ve never experienced this – I’m one of those. I agree with you that it’s unhealthy to keep emotions bottled up. #coolmumclub

  3. Welcome To My Mind - Hooks and Dragons

    February 12, 2018 at 12:45 am

    […] week I wrote a post Its okay to be sad. In it I explained I’ve been laid off from my part time job. This means that I’m […]

  4. - Hooks and Dragons

    February 12, 2018 at 12:43 am

    […] week I wrote a post Its okay to be sad. In it I explained I’ve been laid off from my part time job. This means that I’m […]

  5. The Mummy Bubble

    February 11, 2018 at 1:16 pm

    It’s definitely OK to be sad, we need to feel the emotion in order to move past it which I’m sure you will. So sorry to hear that you’re going through a hard time, but remember that you won’t always feel this way. Thanks for sharing with #fortheloveofBLOG

  6. Lucy At Home

    February 9, 2018 at 10:28 am

    I am so sorry that your job is now over. That can be really difficult to deal with. But yes you are absolutely right – being sad is a normal and natural part of life. I do worry that I sometimes don’t allow my children to be sad because I’m trying to train them to have an upbeat attitude (I have suffered with depression in the past and want them to develop a more optimistic/positive outlook than I did). It’s so difficult to find a balance. But I definitely think that being okay with being sad is an important lesson too. Thanks for sharing and I hope that something new is just around the corner for you. #ablogginggoodtime

  7. Hayley @ Mission: Mindfulness

    February 8, 2018 at 9:22 pm

    This is such simple yet wonderful advice. I think I’m getting better at being sad. I used to think it meant I was sliding into depression again but now realise sadness is a normal reaction to some difficult situations. Thanks for the reminder. #ablogginggoodtime xx

    1. hooks_and_dragons

      February 8, 2018 at 9:28 pm

      I know what you mean. As someone who also suffers from depression I know how sadness can be worrying xx

  8. Gemma - Mummy's Waisted

    February 8, 2018 at 1:12 pm

    This really resonates with me at the moment. I lost my dad at the weekend, and I just don’t know what to feel. Plus I need to keep going with family life (my two are a little bit too young to fully understand). Sadness that he’s gone or relief that he’s not suffering anymore?

    1. hooks_and_dragons

      February 8, 2018 at 1:17 pm

      Oh honey I am really sorry to hear that. Don’t even try to categorise your feelings at the moment, just remember to be kind to yourself. Message me on twitter if you need to chat my dear (sometimes easier to offload to someone you dont know too well)

  9. Welsh Mum Writing

    February 8, 2018 at 1:10 pm

    I saw something recently on the TV about this and how there is a huge pressure to be happy. You’re so right. When it did become uncomfortable to be sad. There’s always a need to pick yourself up and just get out there and get on with it. I agree that social media doesn’t help, particularly Facebook with it’s unending timeline of happy faces and holidays. It’s okay to be pee’d off with a situation, it’s perfectly natural. I’ve noticed it more since becoming a mum, as I see people judge my little boy who has issues expressing emotion constructively. It’s okay to be sad at something, whether you are two or forty two. Even when you can see a solution on the horizon to a problem, it’s still okay to be hacked off at the problem that’s right there now and only right to acknowledge that life that has it’s highs and low.s

  10. Talya

    February 8, 2018 at 12:11 pm

    I love this post. I think it’s important that being sad is part of life’s natural ebb and flow and it doesn’t make you any less of a person…just that you are a feeling person! We all have sit with our feelings, not sweep them under the carpet it’s much better for our wellbeing. Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub with this my dear x

  11. Mackenzie Glanville

    February 8, 2018 at 11:31 am

    I think being sad makes other people feel uneasy, they want to make it all better, as if we can just wave a magic sparkly pink wand and wow sadness is gone, yeah well that isn’t going to happen. I always feel my children it is ok to feel sad, to feel whatever emotion you are feeling, even anger as long as it is in a healthy way. Cry, punch a pillow, sob in the shower, go for a run, get it out, and talk to people who are willing to listen and not just try to ‘fix’ it. In order to grow, to evolve, to get through tough times we have to feel it first, we have to grieve and process what is happening. If you ever need to chat I am here you can message me or email me anytime xx #abloggingggodtime thanks for linking up lovely

  12. Anne

    February 8, 2018 at 10:07 am

    I sometimes stay quiet about being sad because I want to feel it without everyone around me trying to cheer me up. I need to feel sad for a while, so I’ll keep it to myself, not wallow, just have the feelings I need. I know that it will pass and that I’ll get over it. If I don’t, then I’ll tell others and let them help me. That’s my way of dealing with sadness, so I totally agree, it really is okay to feel sad sometimes. x

    1. hooks_and_dragons

      February 8, 2018 at 10:25 am

      Thats a good way to be, you’re acknowledging your feelings and dealing with them in your way xx

  13. Ren Blaire Hunter

    February 8, 2018 at 6:21 am

    You absolutely have every right to be sad! You have been going there each week for years and it is part of your life, your routine and when that is gone it is a big loss! It had become part of you. Feel your sadness, allow yourself to cry, to be angry and to grieve. Change is a big thing and we have to allow ourselves to process it. #ablogginggoodtime

    1. hooks_and_dragons

      February 8, 2018 at 9:12 am

      Thank you lovey, this is something im trying to do this week xx

  14. Lydia C. Lee

    February 7, 2018 at 9:53 pm

    It is okay to be sad. It is ok to complain and it is ok to say everything isn’t fabulous. I think SM has a lot to do with it. I had a number of friends get annoyed with people whining on fb. I thought they were venting and maybe complaining about something small because they couldn’t deal with discussing bigger problems. I was very disappointed in my friends who to me seemed so unsupportive. Apparentlty fb is only for photos of kids and drinks and dogs…? Coincidently, the people that showed no sympathy to others were the same people that complain if everyone doesn’t rally around them in their time of need. Weird society we’re morphing into. #FortheloveofBLOG

    1. hooks_and_dragons

      February 7, 2018 at 10:33 pm

      Thats very true, people can be very intolerant of problems that are not their own x

  15. Noleen Miller

    February 7, 2018 at 11:51 am

    i admit that I love crying a good cry – I suppose I’m just in touch with my emotions and more sensitive to other people’s hurt. Some people just has a way of suppressing their sadness and keeping it inside is not good. Thanks for pointing this out.#fortheloveofblog

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