Mothers Day Hurts When You’re Estranged From Your Child

Mothers day is upon us once again. A time to give a shout out for all the amazing mothers out there,  a day to spoil them and remind them how much they are loved.

In the  last few years there has become an increasing awareness in the media and on social media that  some people do not find Mothers day easy. For mothers who have lost children, children who have lost their mothers and women who want to be a mum but can’t be, it can be a really hard day to get through.

This year I’ve noticed a news report about  a London church that is holding a footprint services on Mothers day. An alternative service for parents who have lost children. This is something I hope other churches pick up on in future years as I’m sure it can offer  some comfort on an otherwise difficult day.

Another group of people who will find mothers day every bit as difficult as those mentioned already are estranged mothers. However you wont find any mention of this group of women in  social media this weekend. You wont find these mothers openly expressing their pain either.

Parental estrangement in relation to mothers isn’t something that is widely spoken about in the media. When it is mentioned it’s usually from the viewpoint of the child (however old they may be)  who has escaped from a toxic relationship with their mother.

The assumption is that when a child is estranged from their mother, it must be the fault of the mother. It is said the bond between mother and child is special, so it is natural to assumed that for a  child to reject their mother there must be something seriously wrong.

The reality is far different though. There are many different reasons why a mother and  child may become estranged.

Often the major factor in an estrangement will be a parental split. There is a lot said in the media about mothers who withhold visiting rights from fathers  and how children are used to punish errant fathers, but it can and does happen the other way round as well.

When children are co-parented by two adults that do not like each other there is always the risk that the child will be subject to a negative portrayal of one parent by the other. This poor parenting is not restricted just to mothers and does sometimes lead to  children choosing to live solely with their fathers.

Sometimes the factor that causes estrangement come from outside the family. This is particularly true of teenage children. When boyfriends, girlfriends, peer pressure, alcohol and even drugs are combined with teenage hormones and attitudes,  relationships can suffer.

Sometimes the child is just a little bastard. Yes, I  did just say that. This is a big unspoken thing among parents. When children are born they are pure and innocent and your hope as a parent is that you can help them develop into good people.

But sometimes that doesn’t work. A child may inherit the worst traits of both their parents and despite all the good work a mother puts in they grow into nasty, selfish individuals who reject their mother because they are the poorer parent/the stricter parent/the more boring parent.

Whatever  reason  a child has for cutting their mother out of their lives, it will be incredibly difficult and painful for the mother.

So many situations can cause the pain to surface. Bumping into an old acquaintance and knowing their first question will be ‘how are the kids?’ Facebook posts from friends celebrating their children’s achievements, Christmas and birthdays can all be triggers.

I often hear mothers say one of the  consistent feelings they have since becoming a parent is guilt. There are so many things parents can feel guilty about, but this general parenting guilt is nothing compared the guilt if being an estranged parent. No matter what logic or other people say, the guilt remains. There feeling that there must have been something that could/should have been said or done that would have made all the difference. Then there is guilt’s partner in crime shame. Shame for failing  as a mother. Fear is another biggy. Fear that people will find out and  judge you. The other big feeling is anger. Anger at yourself, at the other people and factors that caused the estrangement and also rightly or wrongly a great deal of anger at times towards the child themselves.

This concoction of negative feelings lie in the background all the time, but on a day when images of motherhood are everywhere, these feelings can be overwhelming.

But I’m here to say if you’ve read this far and know exactly what I’m on about, you don’t need to bury your feelings. There are people out there that understand, that have been or are going through it. I am one of those people.

My aim in writing this post is to reach out to other mothers of any age who are estranged from their children and ask them to contact me, in the comments on this post or via Twitter – @hooksanddragons if you would like to talk about your experiences to someone who understands. It would be great to put together a group of mothers who can support one another especially during this weekend.

Scientific Fact* Anxious Dragons feed on blog comments. Please help keep this dragon well fed. Thank you Xxxx

*Possibly not true

The Pramshed

115 Comments

  1. Alice | Letters to my Daughter

    March 15, 2018 at 10:59 pm

    It must be so hard a lot of the time, but especially on mother’s day. We could all do with being little more forgiving and supportive of each other. And congratulations because someone loved this post so much, they added it to the #BlogCrush linky! Feel free to collect your “I’ve been featured” blog badge 🙂

  2. Malin

    March 15, 2018 at 6:28 pm

    Well written, with many good points, thank you. I have a tricky relationship with my mother, so I can relate to this post although from a slightly different pespective. I also have a friend who’s daughter has estranged her. It seems so painful, a kind of grief xx #BlogCrush

  3. Lisa Pomerantz

    March 15, 2018 at 6:10 pm

    Back with some blogger love and support from #dreamteam xoxo

  4. Lisa Pomerantz

    March 15, 2018 at 2:25 pm

    Wishing you an uneventful, painfree day… and yes, add cake if needed. I’m a kid (hah) who is estranged from both mom and dad, so the day is tough here too. I’ll be sending good thoughts your way, for lost kids everywhere.
    Our Mom’s day is in May… so I have time to gear up. xoxo #LGRTstumble

  5. Crummy Mummy

    March 13, 2018 at 8:34 pm

    Good for you! I hope you have been contacted by mothers in the same boat & if not I’m sure this post has still helped others #DreamTeam

    1. hooks_and_dragons

      March 13, 2018 at 8:35 pm

      Thank you xxx

  6. Annette, 3 Little Buttons

    March 10, 2018 at 10:26 pm

    Oh no Tracey. I hadn’t realised the situation for you. It must be such a difficult weekend to go through. It’s so easy to get caught up in all the hype of some of these holidays and forget how painful it can be for others. Great to get the conversation started about this. Sending hugs. #DreamTeam xx

  7. Liberty Henwick

    March 6, 2018 at 6:01 pm

    It certainly is an unusual situation and I’m sure must be unbelievably painful. It has happened to one of my friends too and when she told me I was so taken aback but I can understand how a child can become an extremely difficult person through personality disorders or substance abuse. i hope one day you find reconciliation, such a brave post. #LGRTStumble

    1. hooks_and_dragons

      March 6, 2018 at 6:42 pm

      Thank you. I think possibly it is more common than people realise but because people are reluctant to talk about it we dont realise it xx

  8. Lydia C. Lee

    March 6, 2018 at 7:51 am

    This is a great post. I do think as we’re bombarded with basically an advertising frenzy, so many people are forgotten. I am also discovering almost everyone I know doesn’t talk to someone in their family – parent or sibling. Or they turn up at functions and be civil but really don’t talk or have what I would call a proper relationship. Which makes me wonder why we promote the tight family unit as ‘normal’. I hope you help others and find some peace yourself.

  9. Paola

    March 5, 2018 at 6:34 pm

    I believe all life-long important things (marriage, parenting, …) depend partly on our efforts and commitment, and for a big portion on circumstances and luck. When I see parents point fingers and believing they are putting all their efforts in parenting, so IT HAS to turn out alright, I look at them as idiots. And I hope life won’t prove them otherwise.
    I cannot speak for women who want to be mothers and can’t, but all others are mothers no matter what. #LGRTStumble

  10. Sophie

    March 5, 2018 at 5:46 pm

    Great and thought provoking post Tracey. It must be so hard to be a mum and not see your kids for whatever reason. I think the world is also such a large place that sometimes mums won’t see their kids because they have moved abroad. That must be hard on everyone. #LGRTStumble

  11. Michelle

    March 5, 2018 at 5:37 pm

    Wow Tracey! I have so many thoughts on this I can’t even put them all into words but the first person I thought of when you started talking about estrangement is my own mother. She is the mother of 4 and only two of us have a real relationship with her. My sister, as much as I love her, wants nothing to do with my mother. The fault in that is on both ends. My mother and sister are so much alike and they are both very stubborn but I know my mom hurts from the estrangement. My youngest brother is just an ass. Like you said, some kids are just assholes and my youngest brother is that person. He is going through a lot right now in his life but pushing our mother away, there is just no reason for him to do that. It makes no sense to me. My mother wasn’t a perfect parent. She wasn’t even a mediocre one if I’m being honest but she loves all of her children and I don’t know. I no longer hold her past mistakes against her. Ever since becoming a mother myself and making my own mistakes, it certainly puts things into perspective. I don’t talk to my mom every day but after reading this, I think I’m going to go give her a call. Great post Tracey! I hope this reaches those mothers who could use some comfort right now:) #LGRTStumble

    1. hooks_and_dragons

      March 5, 2018 at 6:19 pm

      I think sometimes it takes becoming a parent to realise nobody gets it 100% right.

  12. Susan Mann

    March 5, 2018 at 5:16 pm

    I feel for you I really do and I know this must have been so difficult to write, but no-one has the right to judge another person. They don’t know the circumstances or anything about it. I can imagine this is a hard time and I am sending you an extra hug xxx #LGRTStumble

    1. hooks_and_dragons

      March 5, 2018 at 5:21 pm

      You’re so right no one should judge but alas so many people do. That’s why people dont talk about it xxx
      And thanks for the hug 🙂

  13. Chloe

    March 5, 2018 at 5:11 pm

    Hi, thanks for sharing this post on a taboo topic, Mothers Day is not always a bed full of roses #lgrtstumble

  14. Tracy Albiero

    March 5, 2018 at 3:42 pm

    I am very aware of this. I just adopted my daughter and I know it is a life for us but a death for her bio mother. #lgrtStumble

  15. Jenny @thebrickcastle

    March 5, 2018 at 2:53 pm

    Such an honest post and you are so right – it is not something that is ever spoken about publicly because the judgements and assumptions are so visible and brutal. I hope your day is a good one nonetheless and you are very well looked after x

    1. hooks_and_dragons

      March 5, 2018 at 2:55 pm

      Thank you. Mr A will try and distract me on the day im sure xx

  16. Modern Gypsy

    March 5, 2018 at 2:04 pm

    Mothers Day is not easy for quite a lot of people! We are childfree by choice, but even we get guilt tripped and blindsided by snide comments sometimes, especially on Mothers Day. I have no problem brushing them off, but I always think about those who are chidlfree due to problems and not by choice. And then there are mothers who’ve lost children; who are estranged from them…it’s really not easy.

  17. Anne

    March 5, 2018 at 12:30 pm

    My brother did something really bad. My Mum would not believe he had done it, but I did, so she told me to get out of her life and never see her again. For five years I would browse the Mother’s Day Cards in the shops and stand there crying. Eventually, I picked on, a plain one with no loving verse, just Happy Mother’s Day. I wrote inside, I miss you. Then I gave it to my aunt because my Mum had moved house and I didn’t know where she lived. Then she wrote to me and gave me her phone number. So I called her. It took us nearly a year to meet again, and then another year before we were seeing each other regularly. Then she got cancer which was so bad it killed her in just a few weeks. That was just over 9 years ago and I still find Mother’s Day so hard. If you do start a group, I’d be happy to join x

  18. Sarah Sullivan

    March 5, 2018 at 11:38 am

    the footprint service sounds like a great thing, people often forget those who haven’t got the children around, a girl who was at my primary school was adopted and she found mothers day so hard. such a great post xx #LGRTSumble

  19. Mac

    March 5, 2018 at 11:29 am

    After seeing the way my brother turned against our mother after becoming a father himself was a hard thing to witness, but he became so wrapped up in his own wife and her manipulations that he has all but alienated all of us. We still see him, but not often, the brother I loved truly changed. It scares me to think a woman could come an manipulate my own son one day, for now I will cherish every cuddle that little boy wants to give me. Sending you huge love, a wonderful post! #LGRTStumble

    1. hooks_and_dragons

      March 5, 2018 at 11:34 am

      Its scary how easily those supposedly unbreakable bonds can be torn down by the interference of others. Im sorry this has happened in your family xxx

  20. pinkoddy

    March 5, 2018 at 10:50 am

    What a very emotional post, one I am sorry that you are able to write. I do have a friend whose estranged from her child and it is times like this I want to check that she’s ok but don’t know the right words for fear of picking at the wound (so if that’s also the wrong way to put it). It is very kind of you to try and get together and offer support.

  21. berni

    March 5, 2018 at 10:38 am

    Well done for writing this Tracy and saying the unsaid. You are right there must be loads of reasons for maternal estrangement but society is definitely biased towards mothers failures and shortcomings. Its a taboo subject and people suffer when they can not seek empathy and understanding because of shame and guilt (often unfounded) .. #LGRTStumble

    1. hooks_and_dragons

      March 5, 2018 at 10:43 am

      Thank you Berni. The understanding i get from others here makes a huge difference xx

  22. Sharon

    March 5, 2018 at 10:23 am

    Reading this made me think of a very close friend of mine who took the decision to leave her boys with their father when they were young due to various reasons, feeling, at the time it was best for them and her only option. She lost many, many friends from doing this, as people struggled to understand how as a mother she could do this! #mondaystumble

    1. hooks_and_dragons

      March 5, 2018 at 10:27 am

      People are often very judgemental of mothers who dont look after their kids without having a clue what the situations are. I hope your friend had a good support network to counteract the bad stuff xx

  23. Karen, the next best thing to mummy

    March 5, 2018 at 10:13 am

    I am sure that your story will be an inspiration to others, thanks for sharing it#mondaystumble@_karendennis

  24. Misa

    March 5, 2018 at 9:53 am

    I’m estranged from my granddaughter (for reasons I don’t want to get into) and that is really hard.

    1. hooks_and_dragons

      March 5, 2018 at 9:59 am

      Im the same with my grandson

  25. Muddly Mum

    May 14, 2017 at 11:10 pm

    I’m not currently communicating with my mum due to flashbacks of childhood trauma. Talk of mother’s day is difficult for me.

    Thanks for your honesty in this post.

    1. hooks_and_dragons

      May 14, 2017 at 11:19 pm

      Its a difficult thing to deal with whatever side of the relationship you are at. I hope you have a good support network around you for the days leading up to mothers day xx

  26. Mummy and the Mexicans

    April 6, 2017 at 9:22 pm

    There’s barely any mention in the media of estranged parents and children and no consideration for how they may feel on special celebrations. It must be so hard, whatever the reasons for it may be, especially these days there’s no getting away from it on social media, in advertising, etc. Thanks for bringing more awareness of the other side of the story. #TwinklyTuesday

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      April 6, 2017 at 9:25 pm

      It is hard, but all over now (in the UK) for another year for me xx

  27. Mummy in a TuTu (@mummyinatutu)

    April 6, 2017 at 4:26 am

    oh bless you – wonderful of you to reach out as I expect so many mothers will welcome it!
    Thanks for linking to #ablogginggoodtime

  28. crummymummy1

    April 5, 2017 at 10:11 am

    It’s refreshing to read a post like this – I hope you manage to get together a group x #coolmumclub

  29. Annette, 3 Little Buttons

    April 3, 2017 at 9:50 pm

    I’m so glad to have had the chance to read this. Mother’s Day at the best of times can stir up lots of different feelings. It’s easy to get wrapped up in what your doing and forget other mum’s experiences. Thanks so much for sharing with the #DreamTeam xx

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      April 3, 2017 at 10:29 pm

      Thank you for hosting x

  30. Jo (Mother of Teenagers)

    April 3, 2017 at 1:31 pm

    A clearly tough post to write. I love your idea of creating a community whereby you can all support each other and hope that it takes off and it will provide some much needed relief. #coolmumclub

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      April 3, 2017 at 1:33 pm

      It helps to have others that understand xx

  31. mrshsfavouritethings

    April 2, 2017 at 6:57 pm

    Thank you so much for writing this. It is such an important message to convey. Mother’s Day is so hard for many people. But you are right that mothers who are estranged from their children get marginalised and forgotten about. This is not fair. No one should judge you. Instead they should give you a big hug because it sounds like you deserve one. Hugs Lucy xxxx #TwinklyTuesday

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      April 2, 2017 at 7:09 pm

      Thank you my dear. I sometimes wonder if the fear of being judged is greater than the risk of being judged, but its not something I am brave enough to test out xx

  32. Digital Motherhood

    April 1, 2017 at 6:33 pm

    Great post, something that definitely needs more awareness #MarvMondays

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      April 1, 2017 at 6:36 pm

      Thank you xx

  33. Hannah Jane

    March 31, 2017 at 9:30 pm

    Oh this is definitely something that needs to be talked about more, thank you for talking about it and bringing it to the attention of others. Thank you for sharing with #bigpinklink.

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 31, 2017 at 9:31 pm

      Thank you for taking the time to read xx

  34. mummascribbles

    March 31, 2017 at 2:57 pm

    What a wonderful post – it’s so good to highlight this. I can’t imagine how painful it is to be the parent and have no contact. It must hurt so much. Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 31, 2017 at 3:02 pm

      Its not easy to live with and not easy to talk about, but I hope by doing so I can help others going through the same a little xx

  35. Lisa Pomerantz

    March 31, 2017 at 12:07 am

    Sending hugs and love your way. I never realized we all didn’t have the same mother’s day. Ours comes in May in the US. I’m sorry about your situ. I’m that kid that cut out from my parents. Mom’s day is hard. Thanks for making this post and putting it out there. Thinking about you and wishing you well. #bigpinklink

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 31, 2017 at 6:05 am

      Were really odd here in the UK (for so many reasons 😆) I think the rest of the world does mothers day in May xx

      1. Lisa Pomerantz

        March 31, 2017 at 7:55 pm

        Easter too. Looks like that happened? 🐣

        1. Hooks and Dragons

          March 31, 2017 at 8:10 pm

          Oh no we have a few more weeks until easter. (although the ‘easter’ holidays have started in some schools. They have the holidays early to help ensure each term is roughly the same number of weeks throughout the year)

          1. Lisa Pomerantz

            April 1, 2017 at 12:16 am

            Ah. My girls have been off all week. Very early spring break.

  36. Cheryl @ Tea or Wine

    March 30, 2017 at 9:51 pm

    I hadn’t considered this as a reason why Mother’s Day might be painful for some people and it is heartbreaking to read. I hope you got through Sunday as best you could. You never know what will happen in the future, there is always hope. Good to see you blogging again. #CoolMumClub x

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 30, 2017 at 10:11 pm

      Hi, yes I focused my energy on my own mum on Sunday and Mr A was there to help too. Its lovely to be back xx

  37. Liane

    March 30, 2017 at 6:46 pm

    A very thought provoking post and beautifully written. I am estranged from my Dad. I’ve tried countless time to have a relationship with him but he has never really been interested so in the end I gave up #MarvMondays

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 30, 2017 at 6:48 pm

      Its really difficult when you are the person who is somehow rejected whether you are the child or the parent. I hope fathers day isnt an event that makes you too sad xx

  38. mummuddlingthrough

    March 30, 2017 at 6:37 pm

    Reading this as a Mother is absolutely heartbreaking Tracey. It is, as you say an aspect of parenting that you don’t often hear spoken about and I’m sure that we all pray we are not affected by. My stepdad lost contact with his daughter after years of turbulence and I know first hand how hard that was for him – but that’s a whole other story…
    Thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub – good to have you back xx

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 30, 2017 at 6:39 pm

      Its lovely to be back, thank you xx

  39. jeremy@thirstydaddy

    March 30, 2017 at 1:22 pm

    I’m not sure how closely you followed our story, but our teen left home and was gone for almost a year. It truly is a heartbreaking experience. She’s back now, but its a wound that will take a long time to heal #twinklytuesday

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 30, 2017 at 1:24 pm

      Im glad that she has come home, its difficult to explain the hurt to anyone who hasnt been there xx

  40. beauty and the minibeasts

    March 30, 2017 at 1:26 pm

    I had actually never thought about this angle. That must be so tough. It’s so hard when someone has passed and you can’t physically see them but it must be gut wrenching when that person is still here but yet here you are alone on Mother’s day. Thanks for sharing and giving me something to think about. #Coolmumclub

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 30, 2017 at 1:39 pm

      Its every bit as much of a bereavement as when you have lost someone, but in some ways (i think) worse because its a silent grief that cant be easily shared x

  41. Lucy At Home

    March 30, 2017 at 12:41 pm

    Oh I’m so glad that you’ve been able to open up about this, and I hope that other Mamas in your situation feel able to reach out to you and gain support from each other. It must be so hard. One of my friend’s has a a sister who has estranged herself from their mum. Nobody can get to the bottom of why she’s done it, but it’s been almost 2 years now, and her mum really struggles with it. #ablogginggoodtime

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 30, 2017 at 1:15 pm

      It is hard no matter how old the child is when it happens xx

  42. The Squirmy Popple

    March 28, 2017 at 7:48 pm

    Just popping back from #DreamTeam!

  43. Sarah Howe

    March 28, 2017 at 8:09 pm

    This is so well written and something that really isn’t talked about enough, I find it hard to understand, as I close to my Mum BUT have no idea what will happen as my girls get older. Thanks for sharing your story and I think the supportive group is a lovely idea. xx #twinklytuesday

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 28, 2017 at 8:13 pm

      Its an impossible thing to anticipate or understand if you havent been there. It doesn’t make a lot more sense even when you have. Xx

  44. Super Busy Mum

    March 28, 2017 at 6:40 pm

    I can relate to this because my ex-partner took our two eldest sons from me when they were just one and two. There is a whole big domestically violent history there and he always told me if we split up that I would never keet the children. It turns out he was right. Now, they are 16 & 17. We hang out and talk and stuff but in many ways we are still quite estranged. So I get it. *hugs* xxx

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 28, 2017 at 6:57 pm

      Im sorry to hear that, but it is an achingly familiar story. That is what my ex did although my boy was much older (13 at the time). It didnt work with my eldest boy because he had seen for himself what the ex was like, but I had protected my youngest from it all.

  45. Collette | Family life and me

    March 28, 2017 at 6:21 pm

    What a well written and thought provoking post. It (naively) didn’t occur to me to think of the estranged mothers/children this mothers day as like you say, it’s rarely highlighted in the media. Thank you so much for sharing this. Hats off to you for sharing such a personal post xx #twinklytuesday

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 28, 2017 at 6:55 pm

      It never entered my mind before it happened to me either my dear xx

  46. Selena, My Rambling Thoughts

    March 28, 2017 at 4:52 pm

    This is a wonderful piece you’ve written! My ex husband chose to not speak to his mother at 19 when his parents divorced even though they were close before. That was hard for me to understand as I’m very close to my mother. I watched her try and when I came into the picture, I kept a dialogue with her especially when my daughter was born. I respected that my ex didn’t want to speak with her anymore, but told him that his daughter deserved to at least know who her other grandmother was (as she wanted to know her grandbaby). She was a good person and it felt like the right thing to do. His father even tried to help repair that relationship but to no avail. You are right. It’s not always the mother! I hope that you are able to rally a good group to offer these moms other moms who understand that pain of not talking to their children. Sorry for being so wordy! #DreamTeam

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 28, 2017 at 4:55 pm

      No need to apologise for being wordy, thank you for taking the time to comment. 😊

  47. Caroline (Becoming a SAHM)

    March 28, 2017 at 1:24 pm

    Good post and a good reminder that not every one fits in the same mould and that some people do suffer on days like that. My step dad is estranged from both his mother and his daughter, and we all fail to understand why, other than a lot of bitterness on the side of his ex wife from when they split led to a lot of bad feeling and well, it’s complicated and there’s always more than one side to a story. His pain at it on days like mother’s and fathers day is horrible though so I feel for anyone in a similar situation xx

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 28, 2017 at 2:18 pm

      That is a real double whammy for your poor stepdad. I hope Sunday wasnt too bad for him xx

  48. Lisa

    March 28, 2017 at 12:06 pm

    Tracey, that was one absolutely amazing post! I can’t imagine not having my girls with me, but it is a reality for so many mothers and I’m so proud of you for facing it head on, I know it will have helped so many women. I really hope you can get a group going, because it’s important for you all to share your experiences and support one another. You are a super lady #DreamTeam xxx

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 28, 2017 at 12:11 pm

      Aww thank you my love. I havent had any response yet from anyone going through the same, which I can only hope is because no one has experience of it rather than being too embarrassed to reach out xx

  49. Kiri

    March 28, 2017 at 8:47 am

    That was very sad to read – it must have been really hard to write. Thanks for sharing #TwinklyTuesday

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 28, 2017 at 8:49 am

      Thank you, it was quite difficult but I think the more people talk about it the easier it will be on anyone who has gone through it x

  50. Lisa Robb

    March 28, 2017 at 7:31 am

    ITs really only been the year that I have thought about the above. Shocking as that may sound!!! It must be so hard for people that have lost their mums, cant be mums or have lost children!!
    Great post.
    Lx

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 28, 2017 at 8:50 am

      It means you have been fortunate enough not to have experienced it, that is a good thing 😊

  51. Karen - The Allergy Mum

    March 27, 2017 at 8:28 pm

    A very sad post to read, but it is always good to read something outside of my frame of reference. Thank you for providing an alternative perspective.
    #MarvMondays

  52. Wherejogoes

    March 27, 2017 at 3:53 pm

    I’m estranged from my mother so I see it from the other side. The footprint service is a lovely idea. Best wishes to all mums and children whether they are together or not. #MarvMondays

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 27, 2017 at 4:13 pm

      I know of several people that have cut themselves off from their parents for their own health. Sometimes it has to be done. I hope mothers day wasnt too hard on you xx

      1. Wherejogoes

        March 27, 2017 at 4:14 pm

        I had a wonderful day with my own children so I felt truly blessed.

        1. Hooks and Dragons

          March 27, 2017 at 4:19 pm

          Im glad. I likewise spent the day focusing on my mum rather than moping xx

  53. tinmccarthy

    March 27, 2017 at 1:43 pm

    It is a pain I can not even conceive.

    #bigpinklink

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 27, 2017 at 2:14 pm

      It is not something I would wish on my worst enemy x

  54. Intrepid Bebe

    March 27, 2017 at 1:45 pm

    Well done for speaking up. You’re right, it’s a group which don’t get talked about, but could ultimately touch any of us #marvmondays

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 27, 2017 at 2:15 pm

      Thank you, I hope I have raised a little awareness xx

  55. Jo

    March 27, 2017 at 1:43 pm

    This is a really interesting point. I confess that I do think of mothers who have lost their children, women who have not wanted to become mothers and feel that society is once again pointing a finger at them, women who have been unable to conceive, and those who have lost their own mothers. Mothers who are estranged from their children is not widely spoken about though. Well done for giving them a voice #bigpinklink

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 27, 2017 at 2:14 pm

      Thank you. I hope it does some help x

  56. RaisieBay

    March 27, 2017 at 10:45 am

    Being on the wrong side of 50 I know so many mum’s who are estranged from their kids, or have lost children, or even lost their mum’s. Mother’s Day can be so stressful and sad for these mothers. xx I think setting up a group is a great idea. I’m not estranged from my kids although the way my older two behave sometimes I wish I was. you are so right about some kids turning out bad no matter what you do. I still love them all though, and they are still at home.
    #bigpinklink

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 27, 2017 at 10:52 am

      Oh yes, thats where the pain comes from, you will always love them no matter how they behave xx

  57. and Jacob makes three

    March 27, 2017 at 9:09 am

    Setting up a group is a great day. I’m sure there are lots of people out there who need the support. Well done for writing about such a difficult topic #bigpinklink

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 27, 2017 at 9:43 am

      Thank you, I think its something that needs to be spoken about more x

  58. Heather Keet

    March 27, 2017 at 8:16 am

    Thank you for sharing your story, I admit to not giving it much thought before. It should be talked about openly and I’m so glad that your post will help other mothers who may be experiencing this pain. #bigpinklink

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 27, 2017 at 8:20 am

      That was my hope when I wrote it xx

  59. The Squirmy Popple

    March 27, 2017 at 5:55 am

    I never really thought about estranged parents on Mother’s Day, but you’re right – the day will be as hard for them as it will for mums who have lost children or are struggling to conceive. It can’t be easy to talk about this, but good luck with putting together your group of mums who have been through this who can support each other. Big hugs. #MarvMondays

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 27, 2017 at 7:25 am

      Thank you. I think its something that should be spoken about more to help make such mums feel less isolated x

  60. franbackwithabump

    March 27, 2017 at 6:24 am

    What a thought provoking post. To be honest I am a bit over mothers day, its another day pretty much for commercial benefit or as you say a stark reminder to mums who have lost children or estranged from them as to what should have been! Thanks for joining us for #marvmondays x

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 27, 2017 at 7:27 am

      Yes, I was never over the top with it even when I was in a position to enjoy it. With facebook as it is now, it can also be quite competitive and braggy

  61. Rhyming with Wine

    March 25, 2017 at 11:42 am

    Oh Tracey I feel your pain. I was estranged from my own mum for 22 years, and now as a parent myself I cannot even begin to come to terms with how painful Mother’s Day must have been for my own mum through all those years. I applaud you for speaking about this. Much love to you xx

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 25, 2017 at 11:08 pm

      Thank you my dear. I shall spend the day focused on my own mum and stuffing my face with cake when if all gets a bit much xx

      1. Rhyming with Wine

        March 25, 2017 at 11:41 pm

        It sounds like a successful plan to me lovely xx

  62. firsttimevalleymam

    March 25, 2017 at 9:58 am

    Sending hugs.
    I was one of those who desperately wanted a child, waiting on the ivf waiting list not even sure if it would ever happen. I don’t want expensive gifts for Mother’s Day, just knowing in one of the lucky ones is enough. I couldn’t imagine the pain anyone would be going through who’s child is no longer around regardless of any situation. I’m glad mr A is there for you and you can spoil your own Mam too!

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 25, 2017 at 10:01 am

      Yup, focusing on my own mum is my way of dealing with the day xxx

  63. lycrawidow

    March 23, 2017 at 7:46 pm

    It’s so easy. When there’s something to celebrate to just go ahead and celebrate it, without a thought as to how that celebration may make others feel. I know it is not the same by any stretch of the imagination, but having (thanks to deployments to Afghanistan) “celebrated” (endured) Christmas/birthdays/anniversaries without my husband at home, or attending weddings without him by my side and knowing how excruciatingly Painful it was to do those things without him I can only imagine how tough Mothering Sunday will be for you, whatever the reasons you are estranged from your child, please remember to be kind to yourself. Xx

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 23, 2017 at 9:21 pm

      Thank you lovey. I plan on spending Sunday focused on my own mum and I have Mr A ready to hold my hand as and when required xx

  64. mebecomingmum

    March 23, 2017 at 7:45 pm

    I love the idea of a footprint service, I hope it catches on too!
    Thinking of all the mamas who don’t have much to celebrate this weekend and sending hugs and love!

    1. Hooks and Dragons

      March 23, 2017 at 7:54 pm

      Thank you my dear xx

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